If programming languages ​​could tell about themselves

Photo Lee sooo hyun

Software development is one area that gives people very different experiences. Some enjoy programming, while others can cause frustration. Of course, the process of creating software can cause stress for anyone, even someone who is deeply in love with this business.

It would be good at such moments to be able to get an emotional discharge. For example, when there are difficulties with any programming language, in a fit of anger, someone may recklessly put down a post on Habré about how bad this language is. Naturally, the community reaction will be appropriate. In general, this clearly will not add a positive attitude to productive work.

To avoid this, you can just find a reason to laugh at the situation, at some kind of successful observation. Moreover, any programming language is not perfect. In this regard, I propose several “honest” or simply funny statements, as it were, on behalf of some popular programming languages ​​in which their “character” is revealed.

A positive attitude helps to establish contact with the interlocutor, find a common language, or even eliminate the emerging conflict. Hope some of these sayings make you smile. Only humor, irony, nothing personal.


Oracle and I really like to talk a lot about how cool we are.
Pay us, and we will talk a lot about this with you. After all, we have extended long-term support until 2030!


It may seem to someone that I am the oldest. But this is not so: there are even older ones. Someone out of ignorance might think that I am no longer popular. This is nonsense! Look: most languages ​​have ratings lower than mine.
In general, you understand: pointing your finger at others is my favorite hobby.

C ++

You can hate me, despise me, but I will always find a way to be everywhere and everywhere (although this is not accurate in 2020). But you see, anyway, someday I’ll definitely come in handy for you. I believe that we will make friends. You just can’t help but notice my obvious “pluses”!

C #

I am not like anyone: neither my father, nor a musical note. I am unique. Anyway, I’d be cooler than Java if I had cross-platform GUI support.
What? What are you saying? Already working in this direction? And … well then, I’m generally better than anyone!


Beginning programmers love Lua because the index of the array starts with 1. But in fact, arrays are not arrays, and objects are not objects, because at heart I believe that everything is a table.
And what’s more: since I appeared in the era of metamodern, tables, if necessary, easily become metatables.


For those who are still in the tank: Javascript is not a Java script or derivative of it. By the way, Apple Safari seems to still suspect something …


Do you think I look like a pseudo code? No, I am the pseudocode. Know: you always write pseudo-code, even if you are not aware of it. So with me you will not advance further than pseudo-code!
If you are too good a programmer and you become bored with me, then just play around with spaces. Not semicolons, not brackets, namely extra spaces – this is what creates real chaos and cures boredom!


Google was not too lazy to come up with a normal name for me, but also robbed me of generics and lambdas. But for me they came up with the best anthem.


You do not need to learn a lot to start writing in PHP. And to hate me, you need only one missing bracket. Initially, my creators did not come up with any naming conventions or good manners. So you can write ugly and pervert as you like …
And then your display will crack from this disgrace.


I am easy to understand and concise. I am faster than many. Communicating with me is a lot easier than with Objective-C, and I won’t take your brain out. True, this is all until you run out of memory.


Kotlin is the language that a Java developer actually needs. I will save you from scary NPE (Null Pointer Exception) and bickering with the good old JVM. And that’s why many people get bored with me.
And remember: jokes are bad with me, because the author did not come up with anything, I am impeccable.


My name translates to “rust.” And this is my only drawback.
I ensure the safety of memory operations, avoid possible race conditions and do not like garbage collectors; I like to borrow. Hopefully no need to explain that I’m cooler than C language?
Or is it necessary? Where are you going ?! You have studied me very little! Who is this difficult ?! Yes, you yourself are difficult !!!


I try to resurrect every few years. My middle name is “temporarily unemployed”. Do you want to join my team? =)

I think most developers and fans of programming languages ​​have a sense of self-irony. Do not take these jokes seriously.
Different languages ​​solve different problems, and therefore there are so many. But often a person, by his nature, focuses on those languages ​​that are popular at the moment. Each language has its pros and cons. I hope that after this article you will love programming even more.

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