how to protect your (and not only) head
Ten years ago, I started studying the psychology of manipulation and decided to find out how deep the rabbit hole went. Starting with extremist materials, I spoke with religious fanatics, cultists, active sales managers, scammers, and even (the worst category) application interface designers.
When the number of means of influence used by cognitive distortions and thinking errors has exceeded a hundred, it is time to think – how to ensure a basic level of psychological security for a person who does not want to dive into all this and study? In other words, what rules, theses and techniques can be used to minimize the likelihood of being influenced? The main thing is in this article. And the esteemed George Carlin will help me illustrate it.
Disclaimer: Due to the approach to work, it so happened that I usually advise people of intellectual labor. In the last year, these are mainly managers and employees of the IT sector. These are people who have been solving any problems “over their heads” all their lives. Such an approach inevitably leaves an imprint on the personality and non-professional life. I am engaged in minimizing the negative consequences of such features. And within the framework of the articles on this resource, I try to summarize my professional experience and provide useful information.
First, let’s figure out what exactly is considered psychological security:
Psychological safety – this is the ability and right of a person to independently form thoughts, regulate their own emotional state and behavior, regardless of the overt or covert impact from the environment.
In fact, the basis of psychological security is independence, which is impossible without critical thinking, since the more critical thinking is developed, the more filters information will pass through before it is accepted. The only problem is that the development of critical thinking is a rather long and resource-intensive process, which does not imply the “popularity” of this activity. Therefore, in this article we will try to find “crutches” that will help replace this skill to one degree or another.
Crutch number 1. Fixation of states, thoughts, intentions
The first important step is to fix your thoughts and intentions in an adequate calm state. That is, to understand what you think is right and what is wrong, how to act in some situations, and how not to. In everyday life, this is expressed in the written fixation of one’s thoughts and intentions. The most popular option for this step is to make a shopping list before going to the store so as not to impulsively pick up something you don’t need (even if it is very desirable at the moment). At this stage, we form a certain reference point, the deviation from which we will fix in the future.
How can I do that:
Thoughts. Record in a message or on paper. List, abstracts or in free form
Emotions. Record in a message or on paper. It is better to use the “emotion-evaluation” formula and choose three or four vectors that are most characteristic of you. For example, you can take “joy-57”, “sadness-32”, “anger-49”, “admiration-66” and so on.
Actions. Record in a message or on paper. It is better to do this in the form of a logical “if-then” scheme and write it in such a way that there are several options that satisfy. The purpose of this exercise is to reduce the feeling of “scarcity” and the need to make a decision right now, which is often used by manipulators.
Crutch number 2. State change detection
A man has figured out how to prevent almost any trouble: from a fire we have a smoke detector, from storms and hurricanes – the meteorological service, from boredom – sellers of Kirby vacuum cleaners. But how do you know if you are under psychological influence?
The most important symptom is internal discomfort. Each person is used to living in a certain environment, and deviation from these standards (which we fixed earlier) is perceived as something foreign. Focus on your feelings: internal resistance, feelings of discomfort, feeling “cheated” or the thought that you have been deceived or cornered. Your psyche is a unique sensor that can detect even a slight haze. Your job is to respond appropriately. It seems that everything is simple and logical, but there are only a huge number of people who have a “fire siren” yelling for years.
I’ll say a few words about people who always drive on the last liters of gasoline, pay utility bills when the water is turned off, and prepare for the exam on the last day. What unites them? Ignoring warning signals: an orange light in the car, warnings and bills from the Housing Office, as well as the words of teachers and the schedule of the session. For this category of people, stress is something normal and natural. Like, that’s how it should be. And even sometimes you even want to envy their stress resistance, but that’s just the constant “life on the edge” is fraught with the following:
Requires a lot of attention. You need to constantly monitor so as not to stall on the track, not to be left without electricity or not to fail the exam. It takes your time and effort;
The measurement accuracy is reduced. The concept of “norm” goes in the direction of uncomfortable meanings. This reduces the quality of life;
Failure. Sooner or later, with this approach, you will collapse. An unexpected traffic jam – and you did not reach the gas station. We left on a business trip – your apartment was de-energized on all fronts. The cat got sick, you took her to the vet and spent the last day preparing for the exam, which you naturally failed.
This logic is also translated into a feeling of psychological discomfort. Feeling psychological pressure is not normal. Psychological pressure distracts you from life. Now to the specific tool.
To track your condition, you can use a short self-checklist. It usually consists of a couple of questions, like:
“Do I feel safe now?”
“Am I at peace now?”
“Didn’t my mood change much in the last day?”
…which you can add to your phone desktop or just remember. It is important to note that this tool has value in its systemic nature – that is, more frequent measurements will form the possibility of finer measurements. Ideally, use some scale, for example, from 1 to 10 or from 1 to 100. But this is optional.
I would like to summarize the block with the following phrase: “If it seems to you that you are… loved, then it doesn’t seem to you.”
Crutch number 3. Overcoming experience.
And here we run into an interesting contradiction. On the one hand, a person seeks security and wants to avoid risky or traumatic situations. On the other hand, it is the living and overcoming (constructively) of such situations that develops the adaptive abilities of a person, his self-control and new behavioral models. And, among other things, sets up the “alarm system”. But you don’t want to live constantly in risk, so people form or buy various pillows.
A sleep pillow allows you to have a better rest, a car airbag reduces injuries in an accident, and a financial pillow helps you survive life’s difficulties with minimal losses.
Realizing that almost any “fall” can be mitigated, many people have decided to overlay these pads so that their living environment begins to resemble a room with soft walls from the nearest psychiatric clinic.
Slightly out of place, but I remember George Carlin’s speech: “Today’s children are so pampered! All because too much attention has been paid to their safety! Plastic bottles for medicines, fireproof pajamas, children’s seat belts and car seats, and helmets …! For cyclists, skateboarders, baseball players! Kids now have helmets for anything but masturbation!”
The desire for absolute security is destructive, since only the familiar and known is safe. But if we limit ourselves only to the known, then the influx of new experience necessary for development stops. And without development there is no sense of life.
And here it is worth remembering the psychological axiom: personality develops only in a moderately aggressive environment. You can’t hide from all problems – and that’s great (and great)! Therefore, prepare pillows only for times of crisis, and the rest of the time enjoy life in all its diversity. And remember, every year in the world, several dozen people die from accidental suffocation with a pillow. Don’t abuse her!
If we translate this into the level of exercises, then it is worth remembering about implicit learning.
Implicit (hidden, implicit) learning – learning that occurs without awareness of what exactly is its subject. Such learning occurs regardless of the purpose and awareness of the subject regarding the acquired knowledge. Implicit learning may require some minimal involvement of attention and may depend on the mechanisms of voluntary and working memory.
Observation of how other people are deceived, how advertising affects, how money is “pulled out” over the phone. Watch records of accidents, analyzes of fraudulent schemes, reviews (real) of visitors to certain courses and institutions, study of cases. Let me explain the idea – you need to watch not dry instructions, but specific situations, so that in addition to logical conclusions, emotional patterns are also formed.
Crutch number 4. People to think about
Many of us have people whom we consider sane and adequate. As adequate or even more than ourselves. If they are, it makes sense to keep their numbers almost on the “hot dial”, and if not, it makes sense to find them. An important aspect is that these people should be out of the context of the situation in which you are in order to have a better chance of expressing a neutral point of view. Plus, these people know you, your weaknesses, your inclinations and hobbies that can influence your decisions.
The easiest way is to identify in advance the people whose opinion you trust, and keep them in mind directly with the wording “in any incomprehensible situation, call …”. You can even agree in advance with this person so that he is not surprised – this will simplify the situation and save you from unnecessary questions at a tense moment.
conclusions
And I would like to finish with such an idea. Any person can be emotionally shaken, misled, deceived or provoked into rash acts. If a person has the right to choose, then he will inevitably make a mistake sooner or later (rather, sooner). The only way to avoid mistakes is to take away freedom. But due to legal, moral and humanistic reasons, this is not the best choice. Therefore, since we cannot avoid mistakes, it remains only to minimize their likelihood and begin to accept the consequences that we will face. And also do not forget that “a person needs a person” and seek help from other people.
Sincerely
Sergei Maksimov.
Psychologist.
P.S. If you are suddenly interested in other articles on psychology, they are in my TG channel. Articles only, no memes or spam. https://t.me/maximov_psy
