Altushka without government services
The state of demographics in Russia is so bad that people are joking that they will soon begin to prescribe altushki to skufs directly through government services. You're laughing in vain, if someone had shown me today's news ten years ago, I would have been twirling my finger at my temple too.
But giggles and giggles, but the problem somehow needs to be solved. It is for this reason that I am returning to the promise made a year ago in the article “A Prison of Single Men” – telling incels how to get out of the vicious circle of loneliness. The recommendations are based both on personal experience and on new scientific theories about the behavioral strategies of men and women.
I want to warn you right away: a conversation will be impossible without discussing innate needs – this is what, scientifically correctly, is called what we call “human instincts” at the everyday level. These needs determine behavior, shaping human personality – it is thanks to them that we crave sex, strive for fame and are afraid of heights.
I already wrote about this in more detail in the article “Are all people NPCs in a computer game?” – so I won’t repeat myself, but will get straight to the point. The purpose of this article is to discuss a mutually beneficial strategy for interaction between men and women – through understanding and accepting our differences.
This will not be easy to do. Simply because many readers deny the very difference in the behavioral strategies of men and women. They are also understandably skeptical of the concept of innate needs – because they do not recognize them in their minds, do not like to discuss issues related to sex, and have an aversion to incels – who are considered aggressive freaks.
No, I'm not Ash Ketchum, and I didn't set out to “Collect them all!” – to refute in one article all the errors and prejudices that have accumulated over the years. It so happens – one thing leads to another… and you have to convince a skeptical audience of a dozen unusual concepts.
The first thing I want to say about the problem is that humanity is not monolithic. People within our society are divided into many groups, with fundamentally different needs and desires. At the same time, the idea has taken root in the public consciousness that people, the masses, are exactly the same. The average skuf reads the cry from the soul of an incel and thinks – what kind of fool is writing? I have exactly the same leg and it doesn’t hurt. I also live without sex – but I don’t see any problem in it. Sex in general is highly overrated. A woman reads it and is also indignant: How can you even remain without sex? Wherever I go, men follow me everywhere – offering sex. I don't have time to refuse. And everyone gives advice in unison – so crazy that you can either stand or fall.
One of the prejudices in society is so ridiculous that I think it is necessary to spend a few minutes on it. In the comments under the previous article, the refrain trembled like a red thread: incels live without women due to their own pathological stinginess. That as soon as an incel spends even a little on a girlfriend, all his problems will disappear – he will have a woman who will accept him for who he is.
You can't think of anything more ridiculous. The incel community includes simps – who are not stingy at all. Quite the opposite, simps do too much for those they like. They spend money (sometimes a lot) on women, guaranteed to receive nothing in return. These are women-worshipping men who take girls to restaurants and give gifts without any hope of a relationship. Prominent representatives of the group are people who donate to streamers on Twitch and models on OnlyFans. What makes them do this is loneliness and the desire to be needed by someone.
And what? Did spending money help them find their soul mate? No. Simply because it doesn't work that way. Simps would be happy to give their heart and wallet to the first person they meet. But she doesn’t need him for nothing under any circumstances. Neither with money, nor without money… nothing.
Why?
Why, from the point of view of women, do incels look worse than chubby scufs, who, if assessed from the point of view of masculine qualities, are inferior to incels in all respects? To understand, we will have to turn to innate human needs. For simplicity, I will call them instincts. Simply because human instincts are no different from the instincts of animals. There is a difference with the rigid innate behavioral programs of insects, but with highly developed animals it is simply the same.
I refer those who want to argue to the popular science book by Norbert Sachser “Man in the Animal. Why animals are so often like us in their thinking, feeling and behavior.” The author, a professor in the Department of Behavioral Biology, will be happy to answer your questions. And I will refrain from discussion – the topic of today's lecture is incels, not instincts.
So – irrational hatred of incels arises due to the fact that they stand out from the existing hierarchy. From the point of view of the primitive* layman, this is completely unacceptable. A stable hierarchy is a guarantee of peace and harmony. And vice versa – conflict weakens the group, making it defenseless against competitors. Given such introductions, is it any wonder that the average person is instinctively indignant at the behavior of people who do not obey general rules? Hatred of upstarts is directly written into the instinct that governs the behavior of the average person.
* Not primitive, but primative. The level of primacy (instinctiveness) of behavior depends on the extent to which a person’s behavior, regardless of his consciousness, is controlled by instincts. Primacy does not depend on intelligence, education, social environment, position and other factors. You can meet a highly primative intellectual and a rational laborer.
The ordinary people themselves, of course, are not aware of this. Instincts govern human behavior gently, through emotions. The average person simply feels disgust for a person who violates the hierarchy – an incel, an opposition politician, an enthusiast… If you ask him what exactly he doesn’t like, he will come up with something and find a reason to find fault. From the outside it will look so petty, so incomparable with the ocean of hatred, that you will simply be amazed – is this really not noticeable to the average person?
Alas. Not noticeable. In order to notice, you need to stand above the fray. But this is a rather rare phenomenon for society. For example, I remember how I myself was immersed in similar instinctive passions. Now I’m re-reading my old posts and wondering – did I really think that? What a fool I was! But let's not get distracted and get back to our incels.
Now that we understand the reasons for hatred, let's talk about how to get around it. The same human instincts will help us with this! Innate hatred of people who fall outside the hierarchy is combined in humanity with innate love for hierarchical leaders. At the same time, a society in which there is a strong instinct of submission to the leader does not at all require leadership qualities from the leader. He doesn’t need to defeat his opponents or prove himself in any way. It is enough for him to simply exist to bask in popular love and support. Ordinary people themselves will figure out why it is good, since it evokes innate positive emotions in them.
Therefore, listen to my advice, dear incels: in order to gain popularity and love from girls, you need to become popular and loved! To put it another way: The vacancy for the position of a hero-lover requires at least three years of experience as a hero-lover. Sounds mocking, right? But this has its advantages – knowing the requirements, you can get around them.
Unfortunately, it won’t work in your case to act according to the proven scheme – the retiring hero’s lover will not appoint you as his successor, allowing him to get everyone’s love in a cheating way. Another option will be more suitable for you: In order to become the ruler of women's hearts, you need to look like the ruler of women's hearts. Appearance is important in this, but does not play a decisive role. You just need to come across as a womanizer. Girls will not call their previous place of work and demand proof of experience.
Girls' love for womanizers is confirmed from the point of view of game theory. The offspring born from a womanizer will spread the genes of our heroine as widely as possible. Simply because her sons will also be womanizers! This is how the paradox described by Pushkin is explained:
The less we love a woman,
The easier it is for her to like us
And the more likely we destroy her
Among seductive networks.
Do you understand? A woman instinctively does not like men who cling to her – the more you lust after her, the less you look like a person whose offspring will cover the earth in three layers. In order to win her heart, you need to seem popular, but not interested.
Therefore, the first and only commandment I will tell you is: In order to stop being incels, you must stop being incels! You understood me perfectly. Don't think of girls as sources of sex. As soon as you begin to see them as people, with your own interests, inner world, desires, you will dramatically increase your chances of having sex with them.
This is a “Catch 22” in the format of a family drama. All that's left to do is change your psychology. It's difficult, but it's possible. I’ll explain the strategy using a personal example:
Twenty years ago I had a wonderful experience. Not in a relationship, however, but at an interview – but the difference is small – in both cases you need to show yourself advantageously. This is exactly what I had terrible problems with. I was a good specialist, but extremely uncommunicative. Couldn't maintain eye contact, was afraid to answer questions, sweated, and became withdrawn. And the more I needed the job, the more nervous I became. And the more nervous I was, the less they wanted to hire me.
And so, I was so desperate that I came to look for work at a wholesale warehouse. But he quickly changed his mind after seeing the working conditions. I made this decision halfway through the interview – and it was like a sip of cool water. I didn't have to pretend anymore. There was no need to be nervous. I didn't need this job at all!
The rest of the interview went well for me. I easily received an offer I didn’t need and realized that I could break the vicious circle. To stop worrying, I needed to downplay the importance of the interview. I achieved the result in two ways: I made the interview a habitual routine and changed my mindset – I began to consider the interview itself as the goal of the interview.
I spent the next couple of weeks attending every interview possible. Not for the purpose of employment – a samurai has no goal, only a path. My path was to attend two interviews every day. I didn't set any other goals. But unexpectedly for myself, I received an offer for the position of client-developer. This was significantly higher than all my expectations. And it became my ticket to the big leagues.
This experience can be adapted to love relationships. Many of you guys feel nervous and shy when interacting with women. This can be avoided if you have a lot of experience interacting with women. Change your priorities – start meeting women in order to get acquainted! Treat her to lunch, listen to her stories, show her around the city, and fix her bike.
Why should you waste your resources on strangers? Because the world is not fair. Some people are born with a golden spoon in their mouth and everything comes easy to them. Everyone else has to chew out a niche for themselves by working with their jaws. Here's my advice: give yourself a relationship budget. Not necessarily monetary – the contribution can be time and services. And then spend it – without reflection or regret. In return you will receive the most expensive things in the world. Invaluable experience and pleasure from communication.
It is important. Stinginess and pettiness really do harm. And in relationships with women and in life in general. Here, for example, is a situation from my practice – I often place orders online for small works: calculate and draw structures, make visualizations…
The difficulty here is that the performers require an advance from me. Which I cannot give to them – not because I want to somehow make money from them, but because the situation is unequal. There are a lot of swindlers on the forums who live by swindling advances from customers. There is no comparable number of scammed customers.
Do you understand? The swindler who deceived the customer receives money. A universal product used as a universal equivalent. And the rogue customer will receive the project – it’s not a particularly popular thing. Projects are highly individual and require support and corrections. Therefore, the correct strategy for the contractor is to do the work “on parole” – on the basis of oral agreements.
Yes, some of your orders will remain unpaid. It is sad. But this strategy allows you to break through the “great filter” – to reach the client in an oversaturated market. Having been burned several times, I stopped considering performers who insist on prepayment. It’s difficult for me to explain the failure – by sending money to nowhere, I can raise doubts among management about my honesty. Therefore, I choose to cooperate with those people who are ready to work without advance payment.
At the same time, I act not only as a customer, but also as a performer. I have a lot of small projects that I do in my free time. At first, I tormented everyone with advances in the same way – I saw only my side of the picture. And when I realized the error of the strategy, I started working without prepayment – this increased the number of orders significantly. Of course, there are times when I don't get paid. But overall, earnings have increased significantly, you know?
For women, everything works exactly the same. They are not particularly interested in a stingy and petty man – the market is full of exactly the same ones, only not petty and not stingy.
Taking courses where you will be forced to interact with women helps a lot. Dance school, yoga classes, massage courses… I myself attended the latter – and I can say that it was a very instructive experience. I signed up for the course after seeing an advertising stand where a man was giving a massage to a beautiful naked Thai woman. Several unpleasant men my age, a couple of old women and a fat woman signed up with me.
If you already understand what the catch is, then you are obviously smarter than me. Because this only dawned on me during the first practical lesson, when the teacher said: “Now we are giving each other massages, so everyone can feel all the massage techniques on themselves.” Believe it or not, it did me good.
Helped me understand and accept my own physicality. Many lonely people become like this because of disgust. They avoid physical contact so thoroughly that they cannot get close to anyone. An obsession with smell, appearance, and excessive disgust do not at all contribute to sexual activity. If you have difficulties in this area, I recommend starting with hug parties or visiting a nudist sauna, if they are not already prohibited. Get rid of your fear of women, and at the same time take a steam bath.
I hope that my advice, although somewhat controversial and banal, will help you look at your problems from the outside. Well, or they will serve as the seed for an interesting discussion – it’s Friday after all.
