Why can't you develop a habit? What is love?

I'll explain why you're here. Because you understood something. You can't express it, but you feel it. All your life you have felt that the world is not in order, a strange thought, but you can’t push it away. She is like a splinter in the brain. She's driving me crazy. Doesn't give me peace. This is what brought you to me. You know what I mean?

I will talk about why you cannot instill a useful habit in yourself, about why the process causes anxiety, despondency, and a complete reluctance to do these habits. I'll tell you how you can try to change this. I will give you hope.

How do we try to instill habits in ourselves?

There are several stages of instilling habits in yourself:

You are full of enthusiasm:

• You choose 3-4 habits

• Write down clearly:
  – How many days to instill a habit
  – When to do it (morning / lunch / evening / specific time)
  – How much time / units of measurement should it be?
  – What will I do before starting the habit (a ritual that will remind the brain that this action will happen next)
  – What will I do after completing the habit (I’ll eat candy, because I’m great)
  – What will I do if I fail?
  – Come up with gingerbread cookies
  – You come up with whips
  – Why is it good for me?
  – What harm will happen if you don’t do it?

• Keep this rhythm for 3-7 days and you will fail all your habits and become depressed.

You soberly assess your strengths:

• You take on one specific habit.

• You clearly describe it (see the point above), but do it in EVEN more detail, because the more you explain to the brain, the easier it will be to instill the habit

• You try to complete it at all costs, because this is how steel is tempered

• Keep in this rhythm for 5-7 days and fail all your habits, becoming despondent, because now you don’t understand why you are such a bad, lazy, apathetic person and why advice from the Internet doesn’t work

Do you believe in miracles:

• You don't take on a specific habit

• You just try to do it, try to do at least some minimum

• Don't blame yourself or scold yourself for not following a habit.

• You don't track anything

• Maintain this rhythm for an unknown amount of time. And with each new day you feel that the habit is being drawn into your life more and more

You no longer hope to get into the habit.

Returning to the article preview. I think you noticed something more – you understood something and cannot explain it. You realized that habits are not acquired this way, you realized that for some unknown reason you cannot do what others do – on YouTube, in articles.

Love – how to love what you do?

Every time we try to instill in ourselves another habit “that will change our lives,” we completely forget the question: “Do I need this habit?” Yes, reading is useful, this has been proven by more than one scientist, but not everyone likes to read and maybe you are one of those people who don’t like to read.

What we do with all this information:

We sit down and plan, see stage 1, how and in what way we will rape ourselves. We very clearly describe how many times a day, with what tools, at what time we will rape our brain, what we will do after that, what we will do before that, etc.

Our brain resists this process and puts you into an apathetic state, perpetuating negative experiences with conditional reading. Therefore, you have an incredible aversion to any reading, to the ritual that you did before / after. The worst thing is that it takes an average of 6 months, at best, to return to a state where you are able to start reading again. But more often 1-3 years. For 1-3 years, your brain will continue to try to reject this unfortunate reading.

So:

Amorousness in the context of an attitude towards an activity, it implies an attitude towards this activity with love, passion and enthusiasm. The ability to engage in any action without coercion, without planning, without scheduling thousands of unnecessary items – just take it and do it.

This is the single most effective way to instill a habit in yourself.

How to develop love?

Love is a sincere interest and passion for any activity when you do it with pleasure and without coercion. The development of love requires a change in approach to activity, awareness of one’s true interests and the creation of favorable conditions for their implementation. Here are a few steps that can help develop amorousness:

1. Know your interests and goals
   – Self-reflection: Spend time thinking about what you really enjoy doing. What activities bring you joy and satisfaction?
   – Setting goals: Articulate what you want to achieve in the long term. This will help you channel your energy in the right direction.
   – Definition of negative: Think about what activities are no longer amorous in nature, but are interesting to you. Analyze how much time has passed and whether you want to implement them in your life. If the answer is yes, then here are the recommendations:
   Start with a VERY smooth roll-in over months.
   Whip up interest in this activity very unobtrusively
   If you suddenly want to do it, don’t limit yourself in anything: do as much as you like, as you want, only on your rules, on the terms of your body, your inner child

2. Start small
   – Gradual involvement: Start with small, enjoyable tasks. If you want again
   – Minimize expectations: Don't set big goals for yourself right away. Increase the volume and complexity gradually.

3. Avoid negative experiences
   – Listen to yourself: Don't force yourself to do something if you feel strong resistance. Try a different approach or change your activity.
   – Be flexible: If something doesn't work, change your approach. Don't be afraid to experiment.

Love for an activity develops through a conscious and flexible approach. It is important to find what really brings you pleasure and avoid self-abuse. Listen to your desires, create positive associations and gradually increase engagement. This path will lead to the habit becoming a part of your life in a natural and enjoyable way.

I encourage you to learn to enjoy life, to do as much as you want, as you want.

An example from my personal life:

While I was at school, I loved to read – I read a variety of genres, my favorites were history and fiction. Then I had to start preparing for the exams and, as it happened, I began to set specific tasks, limit myself with time, limit myself to topics – I made a preparation plan for passing the Unified State Exam in history – I read the history of Russia every day, solved problems, etc.
All this led to the fact that in the 10th grade, after 5 months of preparation, I had a complete aversion to history, to reading and to exams.
I listened to myself and dropped out after 10th grade, lovingly taking up programming – spending tens of hours a day there simply because I liked it, but sometimes I could not go near the computer for 2-3 days – I studied programming without any coercion.
I later tried to return to reading by trying to instill a habit – 10 pages every day / 30 minutes every day, etc. All this further developed my dislike for reading and books.
I stopped reading for 2 years. I didn’t read a single page of the book – it wasn’t a conscious decision, I just didn’t have the desire.
Recently I began to be interested in philosophy because I began to often argue with a friend about everything. For about a month I thought: “I wonder how philosophers think, how they argued among themselves. I wonder if the topics that my friend and I are discussing are how philosophers look at them, what opinions they have.” I deliberately spent about a month just thinking about how cool it would be to know other people’s opinions.
Passing by a bookstore, I was bursting with curiosity, I bought myself a small book by Karl Marx “The Poverty of Philosophy” – a response letter to the work of Pierre-Joseph Proudhon “The Philosophy of Poverty”. In one day, I read about 30 pages of the most difficult text for me – without limiting myself in what position I sit, nor in how much I should read, nor in what time it is and maybe there are other things to do – in nothing. Thanks to this book I was able to start reading, thanks to this method I regained my love for reading.

That's all. Please treat the article as a personal opinion – love what you do, but don’t forget to do what you love 🙂
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