Parity

• How are parity relations formed?
• Under what scenarios do non-parity relations develop?
• How to ensure parity in practice?

In this article I tried to understand in an interesting and thoughtful way how to build parity relations

Hello! My name is Kostya Dubrovin. Channel. Book.

Borders

If we look for the most undescribed, most floating boundaries, then these are personal ones. Not only do they vary depending on the person, but they also move depending on the situation and other participants in the communication.

Within a company or department, this problem is solved by regulations. In some cases, the emphasis is on awareness, teamwork and teamwork. With customers – it is decided by agreement. But there is always an employee or client who tests the boundaries and is not going to stop.

This is especially true for some people. Such a person clearly shows his territoriality, guarding his borders and testing the boundaries of those around him. He takes every opportunity to change the boundaries in his favor. If he succeeds, he pushes the boundaries further until he encounters decisive resistance.

There is an opposite way to violate boundaries – to give in. Sometimes this is really necessary, and sometimes it is an established life scenario. Some people prefer not to have, so that there is nothing to give up. And someone behaves like a potential victim, and definitely finds his aggressor.

Parity (lat. paritas, from par equal) – equality. Both the employee, the client, and the company have equal rights to their share of profits or other benefits. A relationship in which one receives and the other does not is non-parity.

What it might look like:

The requirement to recognize “past merits” (achievements, diplomas, unsolicited help, etc.);
Replacing the real contribution with a “beautiful story” (“I did my best, but it didn’t work out”);
Blackmail (if you don’t give in, I won’t buy, I’ll write a review, file a lawsuit, etc.).

In parity relations, current merits in the current time are rewarded in full. It happens that there is no way to repay the debt for the service provided, but in other cases the balance is reduced in real time.

Parity matrix

We will consider all possible relationship options in the form of a 3×3 matrix. The central cell will have completely parity relations.

Gives in – gives in
A strange relationship in which sooner or later you will have to agree on who is inferior to whom. Otherwise, it turns out that both are blocking progress towards the goal. Such relationships cause no less anxiety than the assertive behavior of one of the participants. Parity relations imply an agreement on mutual support, but at the same time an agreement on self-support. A structure in which an element does not have its own support and cannot rest on another element is unviable.
Presses – presses
We will also have to come to an agreement, but this will be more difficult. In films, literature, and even in life, there are episodes when participants begin a relationship by testing each other’s strength. But, if we are talking about ordinary office life, then we are talking more about competition.
Parity – parity
They will always agree and fulfill agreements for mutual benefit and pleasure.
Parity – inferior
Parity lies not only in maintaining one’s own borders, but also with the same readiness to preserve others’. When the cashier shouts after him: “Man, you forgot your change!” – this is parity relations. She takes care of both her cash register and the buyer’s wallet. This is a reliable relationship if the partner is ready to support it. But there is a risk that he will refuse them, because additional efforts are required from him.
Parity – clicks
The input is such that “pressing” is useless, so relationships are possible. Whether parity needs to spend effort on control and defense is a separate question.
Presses – yields
Obviously, this is the most unpromising, but at the same time the most common option for violating parity. It’s a paradox, but more often than not, the one who pushes the button abandons the relationship. He cannot rely on his partner. Instead of saying “no” and giving the opportunity to find another solution, he agrees and takes on more and more obligations. At some point, he will have to choose who to let down.

In practice

Experienced leaders carefully test boundaries at the beginning of a relationship. It is important for them to work only with those who can refuse. At the same time, of course, they expect flexibility and do not accept whims or “watchman syndrome.” They know that a relationship in which one constantly gives in will inevitably deteriorate.

Give a person everything he desires, and at that very moment he will feel that this is not everything.
Immanuel Kant

Thank you for reading. If you decide to put a minus, then write in the comments what needs to be improved. I try to write a lot and interestingly. I post announcements of articles in tg channel.