Lieutenant Schmidt’s audiotube: audio magic rating – TOP-5 devices of “magic” audiophilia

By popular demand workers readers, we revive the cycle with reviews of fraudulent devices and their “wonderful properties”. This time I want to present a rating of the most exotic and at the same time frankly fraudulent ways to sell air to people who do not have critical thinking. It will include devices that are already familiar to us, enhancers, metaphysical generators of “air” and “transparency” that did not fall into the field of vision of our blog. In order not to get bored, I excluded from the list the annoying silver-platinum-rhodium-gold oxygen-free cables insulated with blue unicorn wool, as well as the heads of vinyl players in ivory cases, inlaid with Swarovski crystals. No triviality, only trash, frenzy, a bit of postironic sarcasm and fierce audiophilia, sometimes diluted with a fair amount of esoteric pseudoscience.

5. Shakti Audio Hallograph
Wooden “sound field optimizers”, which, according to the manufacturers, act as acoustic treatment elements for the room. The devices are supposedly capable of “causing radical changes in the sound of speakers.” The manufacturer, as usual, does not describe the principle of operation, telling only about the wonderful properties of absorbing the first reflections, which, judging by the honest reviews of users, appear “in the entire range”. The user, unfortunately, forgot to clarify which range is meant: frequency, dynamic, or the range of the diameter of pasta hanging on the ears of buyers of a miracle device. The cost of devices with such a significant impact on sound is just under $ 1,500.

Objectively, the device is very presentable and looks unusual and, if not for the cost, it would be quite suitable as a non-trivial piece of furniture. As a luxury item, it is already doubtful. For my taste, it is aesthetically pleasing. The effects that users describe are an obvious placebo. The fact is that the surface of the device is so small that there can be no talk of any significant absorption or scattering of the waves of the first reflections, only the absorption of the user’s money. A really working alternative to this placebo design would be wall-mounted acoustic panels at the first reflections.

4. Vortex HiFi Ronde 30 Diamond

Honorable fourth place in our ranking of unique and useless. Device manufacturers promise suppression of “harmful interference” which is eliminated by fifty types of “positive vibration”. In fact, it is a small piece of glass of the original shape, i.e. in this case we are talking about some very penny jewelry at a price of 69 euros per piece. The magic glass is able to overcome the “parasitic radiation” in CD players, speakers and DACs, Wi-Fi routers and mobile phones.

I must say that the manufacturers were modest. It’s not a shame to ask for much more for such a high-tech air. The fact is that people who pay 69 euros for a wonderful device may well appreciate its “unique properties” at 100 and perhaps even 1000 euros. I suppose it makes no sense to refute the manufacturer’s claims, it is enough to just note that in this case they did not even bother to come up with any plausible parascientific justification.

I don’t know what kind of spurious emissions the manufacturer is talking about, but a really working alternative from external interference is to use shielding of acoustic circuits in the device, as well as the use of well-shielded cables (yes, you remember that their insulation should not be gold).

3. SteinMusic Q1 Quantum Organizer

Unfortunately, even big-name brands that produce really high-quality, high-fidelity speakers sometimes succumb to the temptation to increase their profits with audio-religious items. The quantum organizer, according to SteinMusic, contains “a mixture of crystals and other elements.” To confuse the consumer, he is told that the principle of operation of the device refers to “quantum and field physics.” The effect is declared more “lively and realistic sounding”.

A cigar-shaped walnut tube, stuffed with anything, is installed on the apparatus. Naturally, the manufacturer did not bother himself with any measurements. The main thing is that the sound becomes more “lively and realistic”, and if someone does not hear this, then he either suffered from a bear in his childhood, who stomped on his ears, or a rogue, justifying the inability to pay for a miracle field organizer, any then lousy 200 euros.

Unfortunately, I am not ready to confirm or deny the performance of the miracle tube, since I am very superficially familiar with quantum physics, but something tells me that the manufacturers of the nut tube are no better acquainted with it than I am. However, if someone finds the principle of the original device, it will be possible to ask Ethan how competent the creators of the Shaitan-tube are in quantum physics.

2. Vortex HiFi Nano Diamond

Many have heard of the need to lubricate vinyl records or CDs before playback. But the manufacturers of the accessory, which took second place, went even further, they offered to lubricate the contacts with oil with nanodiamonds. You are not mistaken, nano diamond oil. According to oil manufacturers, it can reduce the level of “parasitic” resistance and help to cope with stray currents. The manufacturer recommends lubricating all contacts, without exception, including the power plug, contacts of interconnect and speaker cables. A bottle of the product will cost 39 Euros for those who like to lubricate contacts. I think it makes no sense to write about the absurdity of nanodiamond smearing, as well as the “harm” of stray currents for the fidelity of reproduction.

1. Fractal diffuser Cold Ray Fractal 7

Our rating of audio absurdity would be incomplete without fractal diffusers, which our readers loved so much from one of the articles in this series. It is this device that takes the honorable first place in the list of audio splits.

For those who missed it, let me remind you that fractal diffusers are triangular-shaped cast aluminum pieces that should “absorb negative vibrations” emanating from the equipment. Maxim Melcher melchermax, who conducted research on their effects on human equipment and hearing, came to a conclusion, which is clearly illustrated in the video below:

Obviously, Phonosophy Activator Cubes and Phonosophy Activator Pyramid have a similar effect, with the only difference that pyramids and cubes cost 800 euros, while fractal diffusers are only 7,300 rubles. In other words, in the case of fractal diffusers, air is cheaper.

In the comments, I really look forward to your suggestions about devices or accessories that you would be interested in learning about in the next article of the cycle.

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