“I can't bring myself to do it.” What's really behind your resistance?
You know this. You need to do something, but you don't have the slightest desire to do it. The resistance is so strong that you can only force yourself to do it with great difficulty or not at all. How to understand what the problem is and get things moving (or just give up on it without a twinge of conscience).
Resistance is useful
Let's start with the fact that resistance is a useful thing and does not arise just like that. It protects you from actions that can turn into problems or inconveniences.
Inconveniences, if you spent more effort than you got in the goodies. Why do some tedious task that your boss dragged to you if you won't get paid more money? And you can also screw up in the process and get a scolding. It's better to leave it until it either resolves itself or the anxiety level increases so much that the goodie is getting rid of the anxiety itself.
It can be different. You can set goals for yourself. For example, lose weight, take your business to a new level, pump up your abs, learn a language, and other self-developing and achievement-oriented things. It seems like you want it yourself, but resistance is right there. Why?
Because you are shaking up a working system. The resistance is based on the logic: “It works? Don't break it.” Yes, you may not like your weight or the money the business brings in, but everything works somehow, you are alive, and if you start improving and optimizing, it is still unknown how things will turn out.
Therefore, it is very useful to understand what you are resisting in each specific situation. Since I help my clients launch their own projects or develop an existing business, it is very easy for me to identify resistance. If we agreed with the client that he would do something, and he did not do it, then here is the resistance. Then we begin to analyze what provoked it, and most often we run into these 5 reasons.
Reason #1: It’s not clear what to do
That's it, simple as that, without any psychological depth. When you don't know how to approach a task, it's very wise to save your energy and not approach it at all. In this case, the most reliable medicine is the notorious step-by-step instructions. Where can you get them?
There are 2 options:
Immediately go to someone who knows, has done it and ask to teach. Very often a more experienced colleague, consultant or a guide carefully written by someone on the Internet will help
I started by breaking down the task into steps. Usually it turns out that the problem is not with all the steps, but only with one. And now, having identified this step, you can move on to the first point 🙂
Reason #2. There is no point in doing it.
Sometimes the actions are clear. It is not clear why they should be done. Any body movement is an energy expenditure, which means they should pay off: either give goodies or relieve suffering. If you do not understand how your actions pay off, you will not do them.
A good test question to ask yourself is: “What will happen if I don't do it? If I don't take on this task or abandon this project?” Very often the answer will be: “No-thing.” Nothing will happen.
Another good question is, “Do I need the task done? Or am I not interested in it?” It may turn out that you've been forced to do something for the other guy, and you don't need it at all.
Reason #3. Too much of a pain
It often happens that you know what to do and see the value, but you don't do it because the path looks too difficult, boring and causes a lot of resistance. Sometimes strong obstacles cause fear, but sometimes they disguise themselves as a lack of desire (and you don't really want to).
I will tell you using my own example what the last option looks like, since it is very common, but not always realized.
I was walking along the shore, and a motorized paraglider flew over the sea – it's a stool with a motor under a parachute. I watched it go and thought: “Would I like to fly on it?” And suddenly I hesitated with the answer. There was emptiness in my head, I could not say either yes or no. Then I asked myself another question: “Would I like to fly on it?” And here the answer was unambiguous: “Yes, I would like to.”
Why did I not have an answer to a very simple question in the first case, but in the second one appeared?
I was stopped by the organizational fuss – I had to find time, find people who would launch these motorized paragliders, and undergo training. As a result, the desire to fly a motorized paraglider and the reluctance to organize this flight for myself collided with each other, creating that very emptiness in my head.
Very often it is precisely these kinds of obstacles, which may not be recognized, that give rise to resistance. What can be done about this?
Understand what obstacles are stopping you
Deal with them separately
Or find an alternative way. For example, delegate the task and not suffer.
Reason #4: Conflict of values or attitudes
Sometimes the conflict is dictated by beliefs. For example, you understand that in order for people to notice your project, you need to talk about it.
On a rational level, you agree with this, but at the same time you have the attitude: “I can't stick my neck out. Everyone will decide that I'm just trying to get publicity, trying to inflate my value, they'll turn away from me, and I'll die alone under a fence.”
When it comes to attitudes, you need to pay close attention to them:
Consider the risks, because installations did not just appear out of nowhere and sometimes warn of real danger
Understand in which situations the installation performs a useful protective function, and in which it is over-insured
Find a new mindset or expand on an old one. For example, “You need to talk about your project because it will allow you to attract like-minded people and thus surround yourself with people you can count on in a difficult situation.”
Sometimes the installation has grown so deeply that it is easier to find a workaround. For example, not to tell about the project yourself, but to find someone who will tell.
Reason #5. No strength
And it also happens that you see all the benefits, you know how to do it, you don’t have a conflict of values, but you’re so fed up that you still don’t do anything.
The best thing to do is to rest or reboot (however, if you are depressed or burnt out, it does not help), and if this is not possible, then all that remains is to cut tasks into tiny pieces and delegate everything you can to unload yourself.
Of course, pure cases are rare, usually it is a clump of different causes that have to be untangled. Moreover, big changes take time. Many small changes have to happen to result in a change in the way you think and act. That's okay.
How do you deal with your resistance? What methods help you get around it?
If you liked the article, check out my channel In spite ofwhich is dedicated to how to recognize non-obvious mental traps and achieve your goals despite unfavorable circumstances. The next big post will be about what an IT specialist should do if his career has stagnated or IT work has ceased to inspire. How not to burn bridges, but try yourself in an independent project.
