from historian to systems analyst

And so it was until one developer gave me a solution that fundamentally did not correspond to my conclusions about the problem under discussion. I spent the rest of the day in confusion, but in the evening, plucking up courage, I went to the team lead to validate my decision. To my horror (the horror that a child experiences when being disappointed in his mother during a session with a psychotherapist), the team lead said that my decision was correct, and the developer was wrong. This became the starting point for combating impostor syndrome in the IT field.

I began to notice and carefully collect those cases where I was right, where the team lead liked my decision, and those decisions that I didn’t like, I wrote down and then worked on where I was wrong and what needed to be changed. Within the current company, I already felt quite confident, at that time I was promoted to the position of account director, and I was in charge of all new incoming projects, supervised sales and outstaff. But the trouble is, this is not what I wanted to do. I went into IT to understand technical aspects, admire architectures, enjoy integrations, and the word “sales” was not in my plans.

At that moment I was very interested in systems analysis, I tried to do it as best I could at work, practiced on pet projects, again studied everything I could find in free access (because I still had memories of the first-year loan). But management was not interested in my development as a technical specialist, and this is understandable; they saw me as a technically savvy salesperson, which distinguished me favorably in the market and made it easy to sell. It was time to leave… And then the impostor syndrome hit me hard for the second time.

I wrote a resume, calling it “project manager” and describing all my functions. I didn’t raise my hand to write “systems analyst” in the title, because I was never called that, I was a manager. I monitored the job descriptions for an analyst, watched a video where they talked about this profession, and understood that I had already done all this in previous jobs, that my skills were enough to apply for this position, but I didn’t raise my hand to rename the resume.

I found a new job as a project manager, they offered me good money, but I looked with longing at the description of my duties and could not bring myself to sign the offer. I dreamed of throwing off all these contracts, bills, acts, schedules and doing full-time technical work, where all the magic happened. After crying for a couple of hours and breaking 100 grams, I refused the offer for a manager, renamed my resume to “Systems Analyst” and went to bed. By lunchtime the next day I had about 10 responses in my inbox.

Three years on the other side of IT

I thought that I should also choose a small outsource and not highlight too much. But one of the responses was from a bank, a small one, but still a bank. I didn’t start preparing for the interview. I decided that if my current skills were not enough, then I was not a systems analyst at all and I would need to return to management. A couple of days after the interview, I had an offer from the bank in my hands with numbers that I had never seen on my card in my life.

Yes, of course, I began to think that I was lucky, that I had deceived everyone, but I had nowhere to go, I was unemployed for the third month, my financial cushion was running out, and I accepted the offer.

I was waiting for the release date when I saw a letter in the mail from a big tech company with a big red letter “M”, where every second of us buys food for dinner. For me it was like a letter from Hogwarts. I am invited for an interview by a company that has a multi-billion dollar turnover and employs more than 3,000 IT specialists. I was trembling with fear, but I went to the social security service. A day later, I received an offer with even more attractive figures than the bank gave.

I chose the capital letter “M” and began my probationary period. I was almost sure that I would not pass it. Well, a girl who 3 years ago confused pop-up with push-up cannot work in big tech as a systems analyst. But the girl did it and has been living in the letter “M” for three years now.

With my story, I wanted to show everyone who dreams of entering IT or moving to a large company that it is normal to doubt yourself and be afraid. The most important thing is not to let fears block your actions. No matter how afraid you are, no matter how much you doubt yourself, do it. Just do it. Don’t wait for life to drive you into a hopeless situation, as it drove me when I ran out of pillows. Save your nerves and do it. You don't fully know your potential, you don't see what the world sees in you. If you are given (a job, position, functionality), then you already deserve it.