Empathy is the easiest way to reach an agreement with anyone about anything.
• What is considered empathy and what is not?
• How does empathy work at the physiological level?
• How to train empathy and use it in communication?
Where is empathy and where is it not?
The topic of empathy is traditionally attributed either to the abilities of women, they say, they are more empathic; or to intuition, they say, a person can somehow feel. In both cases, it is implied that the mechanism of the phenomenon is hidden deeply and is unknown to us.
There is also conceptual confusion. The ability to sympathize, and especially to sympathize, is referred to as empathy. Empathy, as a term, has no connection with any specific emotions, and is equally used to denote sympathy for any emotional states.
Empathy is often attributed to altruism, conformism, and even pity. In this case, confusion occurs at the stimulus-response level. Empathy is the ability to perceive others, not to show oneself.
According to the results of the Polish research the higher the empathy, the higher the score on effective verbal comprehension. In other words, empathy, which is part of emotional intelligence, and comprehension, which is part of cognitive intelligence, are directly related.
In fact, empathy is a skill. Like any kind of intelligence, this skill gives the ability to see subtle differences. In different areas, this ability will be higher or lower. For example, a person who constantly deals with babies is much better at seeing subtle differences in their emotions.
Research The American Psychological Association demonstrates the high importance of analysis as a tool for empathy.
Jennifer Lerner of Harvard University and Christine Ma-Kellams of the University of La Verne gathered 900 subjects whose professions especially require empathy. Using tests, the participants were divided into two types: those with intuitive thinking and those with a systemic mindset.
During the study, subjects interviewed each other about their strengths and weaknesses, and then filled out identical questionnaires: how they felt during the dialogue and how, in their opinion, the interlocutor felt.
Analysis of the responses showed that participants with systemic thinking were much more accurate in guessing the state of their partners. This proves that, firstly, the role of intuition in perceiving the feelings of others is greatly exaggerated; secondly, it allows us to make a paradoxical conclusion that people with systemic thinking are more empathic.
The mechanics of empathy
It is believed that empathy occurs due to an emotional response to perceived external manifestations of the emotional state of another person: behavioral characteristics, speech, facial expressions, gestures, etc.
Humans have evolved a script that tells us not to trust strangers. We teach this to our children. I recall the scene in the movie Forrest Gump, when a female school bus driver stops for the first time at the Gumps' house:
– Are you coming in?
– Mom told me not to travel with strangers.
– It's a school bus!
– I'm Forrest. Forrest Gump.
– Dorothy Harris.
– Well then! Now we are not strangers.
When a person thinks about his or her loved ones or friends, the same neural network that is used to think about oneself is activated in the brain. For us, loved ones are us. That is why we are able to be sincere. The word “sincere” comes from the Old Slavonic “iskr”, which means close. Initially, the word meant “close, cordial”, then “frank”.
It is interesting that we do not feel empathy towards our enemies. Therefore, any onboarding in a company begins with getting to know colleagues. The same thesis is confirmed by the study Gallup Institutewhich showed that companies that encourage conversations in the smoking room and by the water cooler have higher productivity. When people work together, it is not so much professionalism that comes first, but coordination. Therefore, it is important for employees to become “one of each other’s own.”
For the same purpose, conversations about the weather and nature are used at the beginning of an acquaintance. Thanks to light, pointless conversation, mistrust disappears, and a useful and pleasant oxytocin.
In addition to being one of us, you also need to be understandable. If we do not understand a person, we automatically classify him as an enemy. Therefore, it is important to learn to understand (perceive) the emotional state of other people, to read their intentions.
They help us with this mirror neuronsdiscovered in 1995 by an Italian scientist Giacomo RizzolattiHis discovery is considered one of the most significant in neurobiology.
The mechanics of mirror neurons are simple. They fire when we see someone else perform an action and allow us to mentally do the same.
A simple example: when we watch a football match, we can notice how at a crucial moment our own foot seems to kick the ball. With the help of mirror neurons, we really get into the skin of another, mentally copying his actions.
Environment
Scientists from Harvard and the University of California conducted a 20-year study, studying the lives of 5,000 participants and 50,000 of their closest relatives, colleagues and acquaintances.
The researchers measured happiness levels. “Happiness” is another Proto-Slavic word whose etymology allows us to better understand the influence of the environment. The word “sъčęstьje” consists of *sъ- “good” and *čęstь “part”. It can be literally translated into modern Russian as “good lot”, which clearly hints at the environment.
The study's findings suggest that happiness levels do not depend on the presence or absence of money and are not determined by professional success or an active personal life. It also does not depend on health and does not directly affect it.
The level of happiness depends on the environment in which a person lives. If the environment is dominated by friendly, happy and smiling people, then their worldview is transmitted. The same is true in the opposite case. “Hell is others,” Jean-Paul Sartre claimed.
A person's chance of being happy increases by 25% if their loved one is happy. If their loved one's friend is happy, their chances of being happy increase by another 10%.
The effect is possible due to the empathy of each person in the group. The more empathetic people are, the higher the chance of being “infected” with happiness, the higher the mutual understanding and the ability to negotiate.
However, this process has the ability to self-regulate. As the level of personal happiness increases, the ability to empathize decreases. Therefore, it is difficult to come to an agreement with an absolutely happy person.
Empathy training
Empathy training is difficult because feedback is difficult. In order to understand that I have correctly identified another person's feelings, I need to check against something. Moreover, the person whose feelings I am trying to identify does not always identify them correctly either. This is due to several reasons:
First, our emotions are fickle. They mix, transform, change – often in a short period of time.
Secondly, we can experience several emotions at the same time. Most often, one feeling is on the surface, which masks others, more informative.
The third reason may be related to childhood and any other psychological traumas that suppress our ability to objectively perceive our own feelings.
However, if you purposefully focus your attention on your own and other people's emotions, you can see them. Moreover, if you correctly recognize an emotion, it will respond by reducing the intensity of its manifestations. Keeping a diary can help with this.
There are several different ways to keep a diaryfrom which you can choose the most suitable one. If you record several emotions daily, then the skill will appear quite quickly. In addition, you can train by recalling emotions of the past or modeling emotions of some future events.
A fiction book can be used as a diary. A good author gives the reader enough space for his own emotional work. The margins of the book can serve as diary pages.
The book is also convenient because you can see what preceded this or that emotion. Noticing patterns in the behavior of the characters, you can track patterns in yourself.
The same goes for hidden emotions. For example, inappropriate humor or sarcasm are often a disguise for fear, and passive-aggressive behavior, such as ignoring rules or refusing to meet deadlines, often masks anger.
Total
As you train, you develop the skill of seeing the current state of another person, then anticipating their reaction, then forming it. In other words, forming your own or someone else's attitude to any issue.
Thank you for reading to the end. If you decide to put a minus, then write in the comments what needs to be improved. As I already mentioned, I try to write a lot and interestingly. I post article announcements in tg-channel.
